Brooke wants to know: how to get more? A Datingirl advice on The Chase and on how to play Iguana

Brooke has a situation on her hands as you can see in the comments section. Since there's more to say than would fit in the comment box, I'm pulling it up. Hope it's ok, Brooke.

So here's the thing Brooke. In essence, if I got this right, you met a guy with whom you have a great connection. You're both physically attracted to one another, you've been spending time together and feel very comfortable. At the same time, there's no progress or momentum building up. At least not yet. Is that right?

He could be a really nice guy. He texted you and asked to see you again after the first "sleepover." The fact he wasn't pushing for sex is also a good sign. At the same time, it doesn't sound like there's much momentum building. It's sort of there. Which means, in all likelihood, the message the guy's hearing is "I can have her if I wanted" which translates to: there's no real chase. I'm guessing the guy is young...under 35. And, unfortunately, I'm guessing the chase is still in his coding. It's sort of like a lion in the wild. If he knows he's going to get the Iguana for dinner anyway, why get up from under the warm sun?  You see, by knowing the outcome, you've taken away any chance of making the guy feel like a winner, a hero, a conqueror. Which means, in most cases, it's going to be really tough to get him interested in much more. Dinner is served.

Then again, this might be a different story. On your side is your confidence and ease with which you behave. Your comfort level is your strength. It doesn't sound like you're needy with him or that you initiated "the talk" yet. Never, Brooke, never initiate "the talk."

But now to the real question: It's clear you two have great physical chemistry...are you interested in more? Are you interested in dating him? Is he boyfriend material? 

If you are, it's time to shape up girl. I hate to say it--but with guys who need to chase--you need to play as well. Me lion--you Iguana. Be the iguana, Brooke. Then, when they think you're both playing the same game, when you're exactly in sync, lead in a different direction. Capiche?

Here's what it might mean:

Next time he calls tell him you're unavailable (I can't believe I'm giving this advice!); tell him that you've made other plans. Tell him you'd love to see him another date and give him a concrete option: "how about Sunday instead..." By the way, don't pretend you're unavailable--schedule plans with a friend. Even if you have to schedule them after he calls. Just go out and have fun--be yourself--your happiness (and business) will magically occupy his mind for at least a couple of hours. It's energy. Trust me.

When you do make plans, offer to do things that don't involve your bedroom or the sofa. Go hiking, go to a movie, have dinner together. If he says no, you should know at that very moment he's not interested in dating you and you can make a more informed decision about spending more time with him.

Next time you see him, talk about things that don't involve this--this relationship--the two of you. There's a big world out there. Get to know him. Ask a few questions. Pay attention to the conversation: If he asks back--that's great--it suggests mutual interest. If he doesn't, you might need to help him grow interest. Start making statements about yourself rather than asking him any more questions. Tell him something interesting about you. Guys can be self-centered and childish--they often like conversations to center around them and all that they've accomplished. It's a comfort thing.  So when he finally asks meaningful questions about you, your past, your life, you can reward him with a question about him again. Conversation 101 for men. He'll thank you in the end.

Let him know you're having a good time but don't talk about the future just yet. Not even about next week. Seriously, I've learned (the hard way) that once you start talking future with guys at early stages of relationships it's like pouring a big bucket of water on a candle. Immediately out. You can say you had a good time...you can say it was nice spending the afternoon with him--but then let him be the one who figures out he wants to see you again.

Chase guys need to work at it. Their brains work differently. It takes realizing that they're missing on something before they get their act together. Remember that lion? Unless he starts to feel hunger pains in his stomach and sees the empty vista in front of him, he's never going to get up.

Finally, there was a rather mediocre movie (name cannot recall) a few years back with a brilliant line about friendship.  'Never be friends,' says the main character. 'Getting out of the friendship zone is like getting shit off the sole of your shoe.'

Hope this helps, Brooke. Let us know.

Yours truly,

Datingirl